Let me give you some background information on myself.
I grew up in an authoritarian household: my father was military and my mother worked hard at a packing company. Both were physically exhausted at the end of each day. I can fully understand-now that I am a parent-them wishing to come home after a hard day, have a good snuggle and laugh with their tiny humans, and then go to bed. Not to come home to an ear infection, cat pee on the couch, mud all over the floor, and everyone complaining that they want anything other than what was made for dinner.
This will seem like a random aside, but I promise it ties in. We also bred and raised registered dogs and our own beef cattle and dairy goats. For many years.
What does this all have in common you think? Swatting.
"_______ don't jump on the couch! Last warning. (I don't listen) Alright, come here for your spanking. You refused to listen." was a common phrase in my house. Then out came the fly swatter. Talked back to my mom because I was upset she didn't listen to me? A quick pop in the mouth or a bite of soap. Called the police while my dad was in the shower because I lost our dog and was afraid to tell them? Time out chair after a swat on the butt.
Let me pause here to say that I still love my parents. My dad would sneak in after bed time and rock me in the rocking chair (at 5-6-7 years old) for a time-in to talk about what had happened and why I had gotten spanked. While I do feel spanking/swatting affected my relationship with them-more so my mother than my father-I cannot hold against them what they thought was best at the time.
On the farm side of things, we had big cattle to move around. As calves they would follow us no problem if we had a bottle in hand. But as larger animals, even though they were entirely friendly, if they didn't want to move there was no making them. So a quick twist of the tail was all it took to get them moving. Even a 90 pound girl could do that. Goat knocked the milk bucket over? Quick pinch of the leg. Puppy peed in the house? Put their face in it and spank them so they know what not to do.
All of these things seemed so normal, so "done" by everyone that I didn't stop to think about it, until Ben. My eldest brother's girlfriend and her two year old son Ben moved in with us. Or rather, me since the bottom bunk in my room wasn't taken. Ben was adorable, loving, and tried to learn and explore everything. I loved showing him things! One day, he tried to put a metal binky clip in an outlet like he had just seen me plug a lamp in. I smacked his hand and shouted no to stop him. Guess what? He cried. Hard. He wouldn't play with me for three days. I felt awful. He hugged me on the fourth day and we played normally until a few weeks later when he moved out.
How is all of this relevant to me now? Tiny Hunter can officially crawl and pull up on things. As he tries to crawl off the edge of the bed or to grab the cat's tail or put mail into his mouth, I still have the urge to swat his hand or bum. I haven't done it, because each time as soon as I think about doing it I take pause and look at things from his perspective.
"I can crawl now!! I wonder how far I can go? I wonder if I'm fast enough to catch the cat? I can stand up and reach things on the couch! I love the sound mail makes and how it melts in my mouth. I can reach it!"
Why should he be punished for his excitement in the world around him? Yes, there will come a time when he will try to do something dangerous. But I know that I can correct him gently with words. I think back to Ben and know that should that situation arise I can say, "I know you'd like to stick that in the outlet, but that will hurt a lot. Let's find something that you CAN stick the clip into. Would you like to help me look?"
Every day I struggle with what was done and what I feel is right. I won't always do the correct thing, but Tiny Hunter is more than worth my effort. I feel that it is important to share my struggle with other parents who may be out there experiencing the same thing.
I'll probably be adding another post today. Check back later for that!
